I believe in the crucified Jesus Christ.

Being a Christian, there are a lot of beliefs and practices that you ought to follow. There are even lots of Christian groups such as Roman Catholics, Protestants, Calvinist, Baptist, etc. But for me, I believed in the crucified Jesus Christ. I will go to a Christian church where the large figurine at the center of the church is a crucified Christ; a cross. My parents are both Roman Catholic and I even count myself as one but I have a different point of view in my religion. I chose to believe in the crucified Christ because I believe that He died for my sins. And, for me, I can't accept that. I must repay him. And to do so, I must first believe in Him and glorify His name.

Family Introductions

I am a man who loves giving out names to people. For me, if I know the nickname of a person, it tells me that I am a bit closer to him already. Also, if I gave another name to a person, I became closer too. Being close allows me to make fun of the person in a positive way. It is like kidding him or her around. Also, being close doesn't need to share your ideas, viewpoints or beliefs. Instead, being together would erased all the problems in life. For me family, I know I am closest to them. I even have nicknames for my mom, dad, my elder sister and my younger sister. The name I gave to my mother is "Reyna ng Kadiliman/ Queen of Darkness." I know that this sounds like I hate my mother so much but actually I love her so much. I just gave her that name to pissed her off. I am such a naughty boy. Anyway, I have my reasons why I named her such. It is because she always stays in the bedroom. Our bedroom for your information has no light. It is totally dark. We didn't place flourescent bulb on the room. My mom spends most of her time in the bedroom after work. Usually, she rests in there. And that's why she was named Reyna ng Kadiliman/ Queen of Darkness. Of course, I don't need to explain why she is a queen. My father is Bossing sa Kaputian/ Head of Whiteness. I know that it is kind of opposite with the title of my mother. Just hear out my reason to it. When I saw the TV advertisement of Vic Sotto endorsing Tide laundry powder, I saw my dad on it. I always resembles my dad to be a handsome man in his 50's. He is like George Clooney or Vic Sotto that despite that they are old already, young girls still admired them and find them attractive and appealing. That's true with my dad. My girl friends find my dad more attractive than me. Although, that offended me, but I am still proud of it. Then my mother has Bantays/ Guardians and they are my two sisters. My elder sister, I named her five-stomach tiger. The reason that I called her five stomach because she ate a lot. In every meal we have, she will ate like 5 servings of different kinds of food. For instance, we ate our lunch. After she ate our lunch, she would get 5 loaves of bread with spread. And then, she eats ten more biscuits. And, then she eats junk food. And lastly, she would drink lots of coke. In essence, it seems she has five stomach on her body. She is a tiger too because she is born in the year of the tiger according to the Chinese zodiac. Lastly, my younger sister, I called her Tummy Jr. She is the young version of the big tummy of my mother.

Secret Identity

Everyone has secrets. Some secrets are so embarrassing that they are best untold. Some are so intriguing that only the trusted ones can know. But, all secrets will be exposed sooner or later. I have also secrets but what I will share to you is a secret identity. Mostly, we know that when people have secret identity, they are superheroes. But, for me, it is different. It is like Kaichou Maid-same story but in a guy's context. In the anime Kaichou Maid-sama, the female main character is a class representative. She is a strict leader. Every one in school are afraid of her. But she has a secret which she don't want anyone to know. She is a maid in a cafe. Likewise, I am a service crew of a well-known fast food restaurant. I cannot say I am proud of it but I am happy with my job. This is just part time only. I just need to save a large amount of money for myself. And I only want a few to know about it. My job is not suited for me as what my parents say. I don't deserved to be a dishwasher, garbage boy, waiter and a janitor in the fast food restaurant. I studied in a prestigious school in our town; most expensive school in the province and yet I did all those stuffs. Also, on my part, I don't want people to know about it too because it is so demoralizing on my part. But, for me, I just need to have that job because I need money.

Money nowadays is really hard to find. You will really have to do the things you ought not to do just to have money. On my part, I lower my pride just to earn money. I know being a student of a prestigious would deserve something better than this but how can you land a job if you are a bit choosy? It isn't easy to find a job, so on my part, since I got this job, I might as well continue it until my contract lasts. But, I still hide the fact the that type of work I do.

Moment Changed.

Moments ago when I was in school, I wanted to die already. I have been bugged by the things that shouldn't have happened. There are some points in school that I hate. Of course, I love to go to school because I could see new faces around. I could also learn from my classes. And also, I could go sightseeing some beautiful girls in the campus. But, for me, my heart doesn't anymore belong to the school. My heart wants to work already and earn money. Right now, I am feeling excited because this would be my last year of schooling. I will be graduating by March. Unfortunately, I could only finish one course in a matter of six years. I still have another course to finish since I am taking up two majors and that would be expected by the following year. But, what bothers me most is that where could I get money to pay for the tuition the following school year? And also, where could I get money for review and board exam. Those things are on my mind since the start of school and that made me sick and wanted to die. I don't want anymore my parents to support me on this. This is way too much for them. The reason that I stayed in college for quite a long time is mine alone. I decided on it so, I have to take the consequences of my actions. The sad thing is whenever I am reminded about my failure in school, I felt bad about myself. I hated my self that it made me think that I would be better off with out here on Earth. Spending at least ten hours in school would be like spending ten centuries in hell. My mind kept on thinking about "what ifs" situations. Situations such as what if I didn't shifted another course, what if I didn't fail from my major classes, what if I didn't take this course beforehand, etc. These things made me want to die. Amidst all these things, I haven't told anyone about this feeling in me. It has been stored in my soul for 3 years now. So, I think you could imagine the dissatisfaction I had with my life. But, I just couldn't kill my self. Because every time I went home and see my parents, my mind thinks differently. It thinks to stay alive and make a difference. The feeling of wanting to die has turned into wanting to live forevermore. My family is the reason why I am still alive. I want to show them that I am capable of making them happy. I want to prove to them that I am not a burden anymore. I want to tell them that I am proud of what they have taught me. And because of this, a moment has changed.

I am back.

I am back again in writing something in this blog. But this time, this will be a free writing blog. I will write any topic that I like to talk about and usually, as a hint, it has something to do with what I am doing or feeling as of the moment. For instance, today, I felt that I should go back into writing because I need to sharpen my skills in writing for I envisioned that I would write novels, journals, thesis studies and researches in the near future. So, that is why I am doing this blog again.

I really don't mind if I have readers or not. It would be good if I have none because that would make me conscious. I just want to be myself. The reader of this blog would be myself. I would appreciate people who read my blog to comment so that I could improve my writing skills, grammar, etc. Thanks for the comments in advance.

I will do my best to post something in here at least once a week. I would really force myself to write something. Anything under the sun would do. So, since this is just an introduction, the next entry would be a blog one already.

I don't know 2.09

There are things in our life that we really don't know. Although we come across that word much often and we think that we know about it but in essence we really don't know. We don't know the meaning of such word. The implication of that thing. The purpose for it. And the actions to represent it. For my part, I don't know still why do we study. I have been to schools for approximately ten years already. Starting from nursery to secondary education. But still, studying is really out of the question. So, how did I really pass those exams and the like. Well, if cheating is one way. And the other one is lucking guessing.

For now, that I realized that there are two things that come acrossed my mind when I think about studying. The relevant question is how far would you study a thing. One side would say that you study things sufficiently or enough. And, on the other hand, you study all of the things that evolves on it.

On the first side, when you just studied enough for you to know. That would be challenging isn't it? You would expect surprises to come on your way. And by then that you knowledge reached its limit and you really don't know what the answer, that it the time you would think thoroughly. And try to analyze things. Try to see a pattern. And, eventually, if you are lucky you would get the right thing. And the wrong one if you are unlucky. The bad side is you are prone to mistakes for you are uncertain with some answers for your knowledge is just limited.

On the other hand, if you study all of it. Every paradigm. Every point of view. All of it. Then, although it is time consuming and hassle but the trade off of it is that you are confident already about what you learnt. You won't panick anymore. And you are somewhat overpower your enemy. The bad thing about this is that it isn't anymore exciting for you know already what will happen and thus it is boring on your part.

To give you a picture, imagine that there is a war going on. Who would you think would win. An army who studies everything about their enemy. Well, after all, the only successful war that took place is the one when the intelligence is so great isn't it?

I don't know 1.09

There are things in our life that we really don't know. Although we come across that word much often and we think that we know about it but in essence we really don't know. We don't know the meaning of such word. The implication of that thing. The purpose for it. And the actions to represent it. For my part, I don't know still what sacrifice is. I don't know its purpose and reason for doing it. And, most of all, I don't usually do it. But, today, during the campaign slogan of a candidate for presidency for our country, I heard that, in their slogan, that there is fruit in every sacrifices. I actually don't know about it for I for one don't do sacrifices. And, last night, during a birthday party of a friend of mine. Two friends of mine told me to do some sacrifices on my life. They are sacrifices for me for one, the things they want me to do are not the things I usually do. And second, the things they want me to do are also the things that I really don't want to do.

First off, they want me to wear shoes everytime I would go out from our house. I usually wear slippers when I go out for school, downtown, and other places out from our house. I wear slippers at home as well as I wear slippers outside our home. They asked me to wear shoes instead of slippers when going out for it is untidy to see a guy wearing slippers.

Second, they asked me to trim my hair. Right now, I have a long hair for a typical guy. I really want to lengthen my hair. But, for them, for they are girls, find it untidy and not good looking for a guy to have long hair. So, I should trim it as soon as class starts.

Third, they want me to focus on my debating skills. They really want to see me talk sense in a conversation. It is because during gatherings like party, all I keep of talking about is Dota and frisbee and anime. That's it. So, if ever I go on with debate in our school, then they would preferably love it.

Lastly, they want me to focus on my studies. This is for sure the only thing that I really don't usually do. I hate it. But, since they asked me to do it. Then, I just give it a try.

All in all, they are trying to do some makeover over me. They want me to be an intellectuall hottie in school. :) And now that I realized about it. I would try those things they asked me to do.